Last Day

Well, here it is. My last day. I am now excepting donations toward a social life, the occasional babysitter, and marriage counseling.

I am very excited. And I'm also a lot of other things. Admittedly I am a little short fused and a lot ornery. In a few hours I am going to pack my desk and walk away from the single greatest cause of stress and aggravation in my life. So why have I cried twice in as many days? I am nervous, I am anxious, I will miss my friends, and this life is all I know to this point.

As is the pattern in my life, I predict that it will take me quite a few days to fully let go of this state of mind. On Monday, I will likely catch myself starting my "old" habitual routine. It is going to be a glorious moment when I realize very shortly after, that I get to stay with Marin all day. Topped only when I remember that I get to be with Marin all day and not worry about work. I think it will take me a few weeks before I stop worrying about whether or not so and so has applied, or whether a particular group has begun. I wonder how many Wednesday afternoons will come and go before I stop inherently gathering talking points for my weekly teleconference with my team.

What if it turns out that Jason's day old discarded socks on the floor every morning really do send me to the funny farm? Does the job of housewife automatically come along with that of stay at home mom? Do I have to use the acronym SAHM? I hate that a little bit. More so, I hate when people call it a "Sam". I don't want to be a Sam. My name is Johanna. If you want to call me by a boy's name, call me Jo.

I warned you that I was a little ornery. :) They have already taken my name out of the directory, but I'm still answering questions about our programs. This is a weird state of limbo that isn't exactly welcoming or comfortable. I think the weekend will be good for me. I need a few days with Marin to remember why I chose this wonderful life ahead. Plus, I am fairly certain that her smile is a diagnosed remedy for bitchiness. Which, apparently, is what the doctor should order for me!

Wish me luck! While you're at it, wish Jason luck too. If I am this wound up on the blog, you can imagine the ear full I am giving to him. :) I'll be sure to keep you up to date as my narcosis progresses.