A small fit

When I was growing up, aside from the normal no-nos, there were a few words that were not allowed. They were: shut up, stupid, sucks and hate. If we were caught saying those my mom would say, "Excuse me?" Oh boy. You did not want to hear that. Then we were asked to think of a more appropriate word, and sent to the stairs to sit and think about what we had done and what we would do differently next time (ugh-snoooooore fest).

I presume that Jason and I will ask Marin to exercise the same manners when come to those words. So that means I will have to, too. But since she isn't here right now, will you allow me to have a little fit?

Here goes: (red faced, feet stomping) Sometimes going to work is so stupid! I don't wanna! How can I be expected to leave my little sweet peanut?! I want to snuggle with her all day and go to the park and play and hear her giggle. I want to watch her discover and point out the window at the birds. I want to hear her repeat sounds and words all day. I want to sit with her after her nap and talk about her dreams. I want to chase her when she takes off down the sidewalk. I want to snuggle with her in the morning when she is still sleepy. I want to read her the same books over and over and over. Work sucks! I hate it!!!!

Okay. I feel better now. I can almost hear my mom through the computer saying, "Johanna, sweetheart, calm yourself down. It's okay. Squeeze my hand and give me all your crabbies." That's what moms do, right? But why is it so bad to afford ourselves a little fit every once in awhile?

The truth is- Marin loves going to Miss Kathy's. We all her; how could you not? They play and do crafts and take walks to the park, have all sorts of cool toys that we don't have at home. They have gourmet meals, and pj days and just about all the fun you can imagine. I was all set for Marin to cry everyday when I dropped her off. To love me so much that she never wanted to leave my side. My mom told me about how she dropped me at daycare when I was young, and I would stand at the glass door crying. But later when she would call to check on me, the daycare lady reported back that almost the second that she was out of the driveway, I'd turn around and run to play with a smile on my face. Marin has literally never once cried when we have dropped her off at daycare. Literally not once. In fact, in the morning when I drop her off, she runs to Miss Kathy. And when I pick her up at night, she runs to me with a gigantic smile and he arms up. She likes to go to Miss Kathy's and she likes to go home at the end of the day. It's the perfect scenario, right?

Wrong. While it might be perfect for Marin, it's not always so perfect for me. Today I hated it so much that I allowed myself this little fit. Some days I love my job. I love getting dressed up like a big girl and going out in the world. Other days, like today, not so much. Today as I am forced with deadlines and pressure, all I can think about is my little girl, and her sweet smile... and how I'm missing it all right now.

So thanks for letting me stomp my feet a little. Go ahead moms. I know you want to. We spend all day minding our manners and acting the way we want our children to see us acting. We are never ending example setters. Today I give you permission to throw a fit. Go ahead. Sit right down in the middle of the kitchen and wail if you want to. No one is looking.