Random Thoughts on motherhood

Lots of random thoughts go through my mind day and night. Since Marin isn't exactly able to respond to me, I decided to share some of the randomness here:

- Who knew that babies only breathe through their noses for the first few months of their lives? Their mouths are purely for eating. Very interesting.

- Who knew that a "social smile" or one that is in response to a familiar voice or sound requires the use of eye muscles and mouth muscles, and for that reason, babies don't have "social" smiles until between 3 to 4 weeks. Any smile before that is only a result of mouth muscles and is basically just random.

- Holding Marin in my arms is the most wonderful feeling in the whole world. Jason and I talk often about how amazing it is that three weeks ago we didn't even know if she was a boy or a girl, and then the second we met her we were just instantly SO in love. I never knew my heart could love so much.

- Thank God for insurance. The doctor's bills and insurance statements just keep pouring in. It is seriously INSANE how much it costs to have a baby. My Grandma Martin saved the bill from my dad's delivery and put it in his baby book. We looked at it recently. To have a baby 60 years ago (and stay in the hospital the required minimum 10 days) cost less than $50. These days its around $20,000. Imagine what it will be in another 60 years. It's funny also that there are so many statements. Every department sends a separate statement. It is ironic that in the day and age where we have the technology to temporarily paralyze a woman so she can have a baby with virtually no pain, we don't have the technology to merge bills across departments and send one grand statement. Perhaps its a little postpartum game just to keep us wondering-- is this finally it? Will there be another bill tomorrow?

- I have to go back to work 2 months from today. I know that is still a long way away, but I also feel like it is going to come way too quickly. I think someone might have to forcefully purge me from my home that day. Seriously, Jason might have to physically put me on the train.

- I realize this is a little cookoo new motherish of me (so when you read this and agree with me, perhaps my admission will count for something) but I am afraid that Marin will think the nanny is her mommy. I mean, seriously, how is she supposed to know the difference? When someone shows up here every day and comforts her when she cries, and takes her to the park, and reads her favorite books-- how is she supposed to know the difference when she is only 3 months old? Seriously. Crazy or not, this thought keeps crawling back into my head and stinging like a thousand bees.

- I am really thankful to everyone at my work who is pitching in while I am gone. Three cheers to you! I know it can't be fun doing the extra work in my absence, but everyone is doing a great job! Thank you!

- Little bitty socks and sleepers are so cute that I almost don't mind washing clothes.

- Marin's little cry (especially when accompanied by the lip quiver) literally breaks my heart.

and on that note......