A note to Marin

I was holding you on my chest today and I couldn't believe how much you are growing and changing already. I can't believe that you grew inside of me for 9 months and that now you are here. How did you fit?! :) You are perfect, Marin. In every way. Your beautiful little mouth and nose and eyes and hands and feet. And fingers and toes and ears.... I love every little part of you.

I am in complete awe that your Daddy and I made you. I am so proud of you. At the doctor the other day you had grown to 9 pounds 9 ounces. I told your daddy that nothing could have made me happier than a good report at the doctor's office. You are growing and eating as you should and you are healthy and happy and that makes me more overjoyed than you may ever know.

Two days ago you smiled (a "real" smile) at me for the first time. I was dressing you in the morning and I was singing you this silly song that I made up one day about putting your right arm in and your left arm in and over your head; 1, 2, 3 and you smiled at me. I about cried. You have the most beautiful smile. I am so glad to know that you are happy, and that perhaps you like me. :)

I am trying very hard to take in every moment of every day with you. Not only because I have to go back to work in 6 weeks, but because I know that these days of you being so tiny and fitting into my arms so perfectly, are fleeting. One day I'll turn around and you'll be leaving for college. Right after you were born they brought you to my chest. You were still purple and gooey. Daddy and I cried over how beautiful you were and how in love with you and each other we were at that second. And in the quiet moments that followed I promised to you out loud to try to be the best mother I can possibly be. I told you that again today when you were curled up on my chest. I know that I might not always be easy to love, and I guarantee we won't always agree. I promise that I'll tell you no more than you want to hear. But I also promise to kiss your knees the first time that you skin them, and eat ice cream with you the first time a boy breaks your heart. I promise not to tug too hard when I comb your hair, and I promise to let you choose your own style when you are in high school (with the exception of mini skirts and tube tops- hopefully those will be out of style by the time you are 13). :)

I can't wait to watch you grow, and I promise that it is okay that you do. I know you won't be my little girl forever. But you will always be my first born. You will always be the little miracle that made me a mother. And I don't want you to ever forget how much I love you. I can't wait to go shopping for your first party dress. I can't wait to watch you take your first steps. I will proudly drive you to college and try to only call you 4 times on the way home. :) I hope you'll take me with you to the mall sometimes when you are in high school. We'll have lunch and tea dates when you are in grade school. One day you'll read your favorite book to me. We'll dance and sing to your favorite songs. I hope you'll tell me when you are in love with a boy and want to marry him. We'll make a whole day out of shopping for your wedding dress.

We have so much to look forward to, Marin. For today, it is you curling your tiny fingers around one of my own. It is your bright wide eyes that look up at me from your bassinet in the morning. It is in the accomplishments of your tummy time- how well you are learning to hold your head up. Tomorrow it will be a little of the same and a few new things too. One day soon you will sleep through the night, and that will be a big celebration! :) I love every little thing you do Marin Jane. Absolutely everything.

I hope you always know how special you are. What a gift you are to Daddy and me. I can't wait to see what mark you will leave on this world. You have already made such an impression on me. Your future is bright and I can't wait to witness it.

I love you a million times over,
Mommy