Two Months Old!

Marin was eight weeks old on Sunday. She is now smiling up a storm!

Two months old means only one month until I have to go back to work. Ugh. Jason has now committed to taking the train with me the first day. I think mostly to make sure that I actually go. :)

We have found childcare for Marin when I go back to work. We were going to get a nanny, and in the meantime we joined a parenting network and through that found out about an opening at a day care near our home. So, thanks to a family who is relocating to New York, we visited the day care, checked the references, discussed it to death, and decided to enroll Marin. She will be going to a woman's home. She has a staff of 6 all of whom have early childhood experience, she herself has health care experience, and has run daycares for longer than I can imagine. She has raised 3 very polite children (all of whom we met) one of whom is a violinist at the Chicago Youth Orchestra, and comes to play for the children once a week for "music day". She comes with glowing reviews from all of the parents we spoke with; she is clearly loving and enjoys children; she has tons and tons of toys and activities for the children to play with; they take field trips to the park, and the library and the Old Town School of Folk Music; the other children she cares for looked happy and engaged. She wants to know all about Marin's favorite toys, her pets, her friends and playmates..... She's a lovely woman, and it's a good place for Marin to be during the day. But I still hate it. And for the record, the woman's house is a little too unorganized and crazy for my liking. A lot actually. So there; take that!

But Marin will be happy there. I really think she will be. And that is what is important. Now I have just four more weeks to convince myself of this.

To be or not to be a working mother (out of the home) is the hardest decision I have had to make to date. Anyone who has had to make this choice knows the pains exactly. For some, I imagine it is an easy decision. But for others of us, it is seriously difficult. And the kill of it is- there is no right answer. And I may never ever know if I made the right choice. If only I could have it all. If only I could smuggle Marin to work with me in my pocket.

Maybe I'll work on that in the next few weeks just as a back up plan. In the meantime, I'm enjoying my last 30 days of the good life. Of all Marin, all the time... all along getting paid.