Dear Oyster Crackers,
Look, you're a great cracker. You're crunchy, you settle my stomach, you're just the right amount of salt, and best of all, I can throw 100 of you in a plastic baggie, head out the door and much on you all day long.
That's what makes this so hard. It's not you, it's me.
We've been through a lot together. Remember that time we drove back in that bumpy car ride from Jason's parent's house? Or how about the time on the dreaded morning El ride? You were really there for me those times, and I appreciate that. I won't ever forget that. You've been good to me.
Unfortunately, I think that is where it ends for us, Oyster. The fact of the matter is, I'm sick to death of you. It's hard for me, because for a while there I really thought it was the start of something long term and beautiful for us both. But recently, I'm not excited to pull you out of your place of honor in my pantry, and the thought of the taste of you one. more. day. about makes me dizzy with boredom.
I want you to be free and happy with other pregnant women. I would still definitely recommend you to other women in the future. I just cannot personally go on consuming you at the moment. Your benefits are beginning to reverse themselves on me. That is just not something that I can afford right now.
I hope to see you again some day, Oyster. Perhaps in a soup bowl sometime in my third and sturdy trimester. But until then, I am going to have to let you go.
I wish you well.
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3 comments:
Poor li'l cracker. I actually shed a bit of a tear for him.
Ok, the tear was from laughing...hilarious!!!
Poor poor oyster. He was good to you while he lasted. I think I'll kinda miss him being around, but we'll all adjust. It's you that I want to be happy. And it sounds like you are. It was hard to write that letter, I'm sure, but now that it's out there, I don't think you'll feel any bit of guilt now. Way to go, Jo. I'm proud of you.
:):)
omg. hilarious! I am laughing so hard I'm about to pee my pants!
...but have you met my brother, Saltine? He is thinner...saltier...sexier. Some people might say it's sick for me to set you up with my brother after being cruelly dumped, but to those people I say, if you can't keep it in your pants, keep it in the family!
-Oyster
(your friends aren't going to let me comment anymore, are they? - Beth)
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