The Life Changer- For Realsies

(sidenote: Jason has since forbidden me from using the phrase "for realsies" ever again. Whatevs. Like he gets to say.)

A few weeks ago, I put all purchases on hold. Jason and I put all new projects in the backseat. I traded my impulse purchases at Target for the luxury of sitting in my pj pants just a little too long past breakfast.

I traded my pencil skirts, for colored pencils and unlimited afternoons of arts and crafts.

I quit my job.


When it came down to it, I wasn't entirely happy everyday doing what I spent more time on than anything else- and that was my job- when I was oodles of over-the-top happy when I was with Marin. And so, I decided to be happier.

That's the short of it. The long of it really is that my job has become increasingly less flexible, to the point where I have been seeing Marin for a half hour a day, and that is just for dinner, bath and bed. And that just isn't going to work. Jason and I decided that as long as I could curb my Home Goods obsession and swear off random Marin shopping (who me?!) that I could quit my job and stay home with Marin. I'm embarrassed to admit that I had to think about that for more than a second, but about a second and a half later, I had my mind made up. I've had one foot, two arms and about half my brain out the door ever since.

I really began thinking about this before Marin was born. Before we even knew if she would be a boy or a girl. Around that time, I had a snipit of this conversation with Molly over lunch at our favorite spot in the loop, equadistant from our offices. She said something that really stuck with me. She said, "I'm sure you are an excellent Lead Enrollment Rep (my current job), but I'm positive that you'll be an even better mom. And I just think we should spend our time doing the things we're best at." I have never forgotten that. How true is that? At the time though, I didn't really have an acurate, living little reminder of what I was missing. From the very first day that I returned to work, I have had that constant reminder.

I'm a little torn. I'm really gratful that I am able to stay home with Marin. And I am very excited for that oportunity. But I just think this is one of those many aspects of parenting where there is no right or wrong choice, rather just simply a choice you have to make that works for your family. And even then, you may never really know if you have made the right decision. You just have to do what you feel is right. I really see a lot of value in setting an example for children, and perhaps girls in particular, to work hard; have a career; make your own money. But I also believe in doing what you love. And what I love is being Marin's mommy.

And so yes, I'll miss the extra money. And the zen time on the train all to myself when I read non-mommy related materials (gasp!). I'll miss the work friends that I've made and the satisfaction of a good review. I'll miss the little old man that sits at the train station in Chicago every morning at his salvation army post. We smile at each other every day. I'll also miss the street performer who plays the saxaphone on the corner everyday and has the words "Sax and the City" written on his coffee can turned tip jar. And yes, of course I'll miss you, Home Goods.

But what I won't miss are Marin's giggles as she runs in the yard every day, and her sweet sleepy hugs as she wakes up from her naps. I won't miss the things she'll say and do as she grows and learns more about how life works. I won't miss a chance to take her to the park. I won't ever have to turn down a tea party for a teleconference. I won't miss an oportunity to kiss her skinned knees. I'll get to be a room mom and a field trip chaperone.

And don't get me wrong, I know that my new gig won't be easy. Need I be reminded of Marin's current temper trend of sitting right down in the street and pitching a fit when she doesn't get her way? How about how when I hold her hand to cross the street and she's unable to wriggle free, she takes her other hand and uses it to pry my hand off of hers. But as in a job, there are sacrifices and there are rewards, and I just happend to think that the rewards I'll reep while being with Marin everyday will way out weigh any that I could find in the office.

A few weeks ago, I came across an exerpt from Kristin van Ogtrop's new book "Just Let me Lie Down". Kristin is the editor of Real Simple magazine, (Laaaaaa! Can you hear the angles singing in the heavens?! I love Real Simple magazine.) The excerpt said this: "Question the idea that quitters never win. It's one thing you learned in kindergarten that is absolutely false. At a certain point, quitters really do win, especially when quitting means eliminating from your life a bad job. Let's be honest. How many of you have dreamed of writing this out-of-office email: "Having realized, after years of thankless toil, that this job/my coworkers/my measly paycheck/my crazy boss are no longer worth my valuable time, I will be out of the office for the rest of my life. If you need immediate assistance, find someone else?" If that's not a win, I don't know what is." Now, my job really wasn't that bad. For the most part, I really liked it. But when Marin was born, that, along with many other things in life, were forever changed.

I hope that I am making a decision that is a win. I hope that, as Molly said, I am going to be spending my time doing what I am best at. I hope that I don't have to resort to hiding shopping bags from Jason in my trunk. (Just kidding honey. Sortof.)

I gave a little over a months notice to my boss, but she wanted to keep it quiet for a few more weeks so she didn't have to field job inquiries just yet. It all went public today. My last day is July 9th. I have exactly eight working days left; not that I'm counting. ;)

I'm very excited to have playdoe in my hair. I can't wait to host holiday themed parties where we make take home crafts, like Valentine's for our Daddies. But I'm a little scared about the unknown. I'm a little nervous about whether or not I can hack it. I'm feeling very melancoly about this current life. But until then, I just have to dive right in feet first and do the best that I can. Lucky for me, my new boss is wonderfully kind, has a charming little toothy smile, and can't talk back yet.