My pledge

Now that I am done having babies I pledge to...

... get skinny
... take pure barre classes in hopes of one day attaining the Michelle Obama arms I so covet.
... whiten my teeth
... dye my hair
... shower semi regularly
... wear makeup
... update my wardrobe
... stop wearing the underwear I bought my mom bought for me in college
... buy a well fitting bra
... do two things a year just for me
... maintain hands and feet non reminiscent of the apes from which I descended
... get calm
... patent a spray scent that smells like babies
... take a billion pictures and try to memorize every precious moment of my babies now

............ not beat myself up when none of these happen because I'm a mom and really who has the time?