My "baby" is FIVE!

Remember this little tiny peanut?  She's FIVE.  How in the WORLD is that possible?!  Most of the time I am wrapped up in the craziness of every day life and where Marin is specifically concerned, with her preschool and multiple activities.  We've been through a lot together and spend on average 12 hours of every day together.   So most of the time it seems like a million years have past since she was born.  But every night before I go to bed I check on her one more time and often I watch her sleep for half a minute.  And in those moments, I can so very clearly remember that tiny baby we brought home five years ago, and it seems impossible that five years has past since then.  I don't feel one bit different, and yet, she has grown and learned to dance and sing and write and read some small sentences.  My baby girl is growing up.

It's wonderful.  We want our children to grow and learn and discover new things.  And yet, I can't help but feel a small pang in my chest that longs for the baby she once was.  I love that I have the pleasure of being with her all day and that I get to find an answer to so many of her curiosities.  I love watching her grow.  I love watching her discover and learn.  She is a wonderful and sweet little girl.  She is a wonderful helper with her brother and sister.  And she loves to snuggle with me.  She's kind and has very nice manners.  I am very proud of the little five year old that she has become.

I can't imagine the panic I will feel as she gets even older.  Frankly, the fact that this time with her is fleeting and that it only happens once is becoming extremely real.  She'll go to school all day next year.  The thought that one day she'll form her own opinions of the world based on things she learns and discovers on her own seems hard to believe.  The thought of her behind the wheel of my car seems impossible and terrifying.  The thought of her going off to college seems absolutely heart breaking.

I vow to try hard to enjoy every day between now and then.  I vow to tell her I love her a thousand times every day until she rolls her eyes at me, and then I'll tell her 999 times a day.  I vow to kiss her goodnight every night that she is under my roof.  I vow to tell her how the most important things in life will always be kindness and goodness and that the brain is more important than lipstick and side pony tails.  I vow to make her believe that she matters.  That she's smart.  That she can do anything that she puts her mind to.  I vow to always strive to make her see in herself that beautiful little person I held in my arms five years ago and promised the world.  I vow to never stop telling her what a miracle she is.
And I vow to love her more every day.

I love you, Marin Jane.  Happy Birthday.  Thank you for making me a mommy.

May the next five years go a little more slowly.